LifeSiteNews 21 August 2013
In her early twenties and just out of college Jill Marquis thought marriage seemed like the thing to do. But after a couple of years, she found herself feeling dejected. After beginning an affair, she soon discovered she was pregnant.
“I wanted to get a divorce,” she says, “And in my twisted way of thinking, I could not be pregnant and get divorced. I was operating on fear and panic. […] I thought, I can’t go on with my life. I didn’t tell anybody. I didn’t tell my mother. I didn’t tell my sisters who I’m very close to. I knew I needed to live life my way.”
Marquis called the first abortion clinic in the phone book and went in for an appointment. There was no counseling. There wasn’t any talk about what her reason for getting an abortion was. The clinic simply told her how much the abortion would cost and when they could fit her in. She went back a few days later and had the abortion.
“Nobody told me,” she explains, “that it might come back to you when you have the ultrasound of the children you want to have. There I was looking at this ultrasound of the baby growing inside me and [I was] screaming in my mind that that was a baby you aborted. A baby that you killed. I stuffed it down for a very long time and tried to silence that voice. Looking back on that decision it was the most selfish thing I ever did in my life because it was all about me wanting to live life on my terms.
Marquis says another thing no one ever told her was that having that abortion would make her keep her future children at arm’s length. Afraid that God would retaliate for her abortion by harming one of her other children, Marquis didn’t allow herself to engage with her children. It wasn’t until she came to grips with her abortion that she was able to become a true presence in her children’s lives and completely bond with them.